Sunday, December 7, 2014

It has come to my attention

that I:

~ used to be very positive and not easily shaken
~ have slipped out of that way of being and into some very Negative Nancy habits
~ have a cycle of changing directions when I don't like how something is going
~ use the change of direction to avoid or cover the guilt of quitting or failing
~ lack self discipline
~ have trouble compartmentalizing outside circumstances and inside patterns

Gotta love a husband who acts as a true mirror, showing me parts of myself I either don't know are there, or like to ignore.

We had a fantastic heart to heart this morning, and I came out of it feeling refreshed and clear (thanks, Babe!)

There are lots of factors affecting the above behavioral patterns, and I don't feel like typing all of those out right meow.

The general takeaway (*salute* General Takeaway) is:

~ There is something in my life that is not a positive for me. It's an outside circumstance that no amount of attitude adjusting or hard work on my part is going to turn around. It's a perfectly acceptable solution to cut my losses and move on. (It's my job, just so I'm not being annoyingly cryptic here.)
~ I accept that what I am moving on to may not be the ideal, but if it is at least neutral, it will give me time, space, and energy to work on the internal patterns I need to change.
~ I acknowledge the parts of my frustration that are self-caused, and the parts that are not. I acknowledge that I can take action to improve both categories.
~ In order to be positive more of the time, I need to spend more time doing things that make me feel good about myself. Duh, right? And yet it's so easy to fall into habits of instant gratification and let the rest fall by the wayside.
~ In order to establish some self discipline, I need to start small. I need to set little, but concrete, goals for myself, and keep them at the top of my priority list.

Having blabbed all of that, here are my top five small and concrete goals.

1. Get and start a new job- in the next two weeks.
2. Try a Pure Barre class- this week.
3. Write and post in this space- three times a week.
4. Shift my focus to gratitude, set intentions, and let go- every day.
5. Read the book I just started- by the end of Christmas vacation.

I know this is not a light, fun to read blog post. But it's what's in my head, wanting to come out. And as my goal is to just get here and share myself without worrying about impressing anyone, having a theme, or being entertaining, it shall stay.

Thanks for listening. :)

{image: a smarmy iPhone selfie}

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Thanks for stopping by! I always love it when someone nice makes their presence known. =)